you're like a bully in the Christmas story
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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