She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How does one acquire holy water?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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