The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
