I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
