This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
