your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
