I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
