i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
