You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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