I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
