guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
