so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
