Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
