somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
