omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
