Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
