I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
