Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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