I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
