I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
