its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
