it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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