And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
