she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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