Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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