Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
