Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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