so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
