I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
barbara walters just said penis...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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