you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
