should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
