Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
