You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
