Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
