I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
