he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
