I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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