omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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