3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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