K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
