I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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