Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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