I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
