I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
