I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
