Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
