I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
