My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
