he shaved USA in his pubs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His nipple licking is glorious
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