we have pet lesbian snakes
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
